Forgiveness
by foxfire666
Summary: deidre, a new character, goes to sirius for forgiveness. but he finds it hard to do so after he learns about her involvement in james' and lily's deaths.


James nodded in time with the beat as he sat listening to some muggle music. Others like him thought it weird to do such things, but he found it quite relaxing. He was rudely snapped back into reality as he realized that there was an owl tapping on his window. He got up, and went over to it. Pushing the lock in and lifting got the window open. The owl flew in and landed on the back of his desk chair. He saw that it was carrying a yellowed, parchment envelope in its beak and gently reached for it. Once he got it, the owl left. The envelope had green writing scrawled across the front. it read: James Potter, Third Window From The Right, Top Floor, 1343 Winston Way, London, England 79806. He opened it and pulled out more yellowed parchment, with the same green writing inside. He was used to this by now, having gone to Hogwarts for the previous two years.

"Mum!" he yelled down the stairs," we need to go school shopping!"

"Do you want to go now?" she asked.

"Sure, can we fly there?"

"As long as we can share a broom, I don't think I'd be able to work one on my own."

"Oh, right, of course we can. My Nimbus '78 can carry us. "he said as he grabbed his brand new broom and ran down stairs. They gathered their money and left. James unaware of what his life was holding in store for him.

Sirius sighed and rubbed his neck. Harry's newest letter was disturbing; he had been having bizarre dreams involving Lord Voldemort. Not that the subject was _too_ horrible, but it was bringing back memories that Sirius had intentionally forgotten. He sighed again and dipped his quill into the inkbottle that sat at the side of his desk and began writing a reply. He had only written a few words when he heard a noise outside. Warily, he got up and went to his door. He opened it and stuck his head out, and saw something he had hoped he would never see again.

"Deidre?" he asked in surprise, "What in bloody hell are you doing here?" Deidre growled, trying to tell him that she was unable to shift out of the lynx form that she had learned to assume so many years ago. He seemed to get the point, because he took his wand out and muttered a spell under his breath. Blue light shot from his wand and struck her square in the chest. Pain rippled through her body as her bones and muscles shifted to a form that she hadn't taken in 3 years. "I'll ask again, what are you doing here?" his voice was a deadly calm as he spoke, sending a spike of fear running through Deidre.

"I need to warn Harry."

"You have no right to talk to him! Especially after what you did!" Deidre flinched as if she had been physically struck.

"I was under influence," she whispered, knowing Sirius would never believe her. She turned, realizing that she should have never come here.

"Stop right there!" he shouted. She faced him and saw that his wand was again pointed at her, though this time it was in hatred. Tears slowly began rolling down her cheeks and Sirius started back.

"What happened to us?" she asked, her voice cracking and just loud enough for him to hear.

"You turned evil and joined forces with a man that killed our best friends, not to mention thousands of other innocent people."

"Would you believe me if I told you that I was under the Imperius Curse?"

"No." the statement was so short and harsh that Deidre took a step back.

"Can't really say I blame you." He walked forward until his wand tip was touching the center of her chest.

"You are coming with me, and we are going to Dumbledor." he grabbed her wrist and apparated to Hogsmead. "Why'd you do it?" he asked softly after a long silence.

"I was already in the study group, and from there…I guess it was easier to do that than cope with the fact that the boy I loved had given me up for another." she explained, referring to him, "Stupid, I know. But at the time, it didn't seem dangerous. Then Tom gave out the dark marks, and I was stuck. By the time I could have gotten out, like Snape, I was Tom's second-in-command. I didn't want to give up what seemed like perfection for the real world, which could hurt you." she looked down, ashamed that she had been so stupid and childish. They stopped walking and Deidre looked up, they were at the shrieking shack. Sirius looked at her, an odd light in his eyes.

"Do you remember when you saw me shift?" he asked, a small smile lighting up his features. She nodded, remembering clearly. She had been out on her broom after a late practice and had drifted over towards the Whomping Willow. She had glanced down when some movement caught her eye; the movement had been Sirius shifting into his animagus form, a gigantic black dog. Flying down lower, she had called out his name and he had looked up. Realizing his mistake, he ran into the tunnel that the tree housed without a backwards glance. She had cornered him the next day and he had confessed that he did know how to shift. When presented with the question, would he help her learn how, he meekly agreed to do so. Knowing she would be a quick study had biased that decision. Deidre was snapped out of the memory as Sirius pulled her forward. She shook her head, trying to clear the fog that had overtaken her mind. They went through the tunnel that Sirius had escaped through so many years ago, and entered the Hogwarts school grounds. The first thing Deidre saw was Dumbledor striding towards them. She wrenched her wrist from Sirius's grasp and began backing up, fear consuming her as she remembered how scared of this man Voldemort had been. She heard a whistling sound and turned just in time to see a branch swinging at her through the darkness. It hit her right in her solar plexus and sent her flying. To add insult to injury, she landed right at Dumbledor's feet. She slowly got up, mentally checking to see if anything was broken. After she was assured that she was fine, she looked up at the man that had her shaking in fear.

"What are you afraid of?" he asked.

"You could give me over to the dementors right now, without a second thought…and I wouldn't blame you." she replied sadly. He looked at her as if trying to tell her something, but she shook her head, unwilling to even _try_ and comprehend what he was attempting to say. He raised his wand and pointed it behind her, causing her to turn and see Voldemort standing near the tree.

"Hello, Deidre, how have you been all these years?" his voice was too pleasant for his disposition, and she began backing slowly away. "Keep that up, Deidre, and I might just have to hurt someone," he said, nodding over towards Sirius. His voice had become less pleasant and more menacing. She stopped where she was, unsure of what to do. Then, all of a sudden, it hit her. She leaped at Voldemort, shifting to her lynx form in mid-air, and sunk her teeth into his shoulder as she landed on him. He yelled in pain as he tried to get her off, finally slamming up against a tree to do so. Unfortunately it was the whomping willow…Voldemort ducked just in time to dodge the blow that sent Deidre flying into Sirius. She shifted back into her human form and groaned in pain. Rolling up to her knees, she steadied herself against Sirius's leg. Voldemort raised his wand and shouted a word that caused her to writhe in pain as the world began to go dark and she lost consciousness. Voices drifted to her through the darkness, and realization hit her as the voices became clearer. It was James, Lily, Sirius, Cassie, and Remus.

"Heather!" Sirius called out," come over here!" she got up and walked towards them. Looking around, she saw her broom lying on the ground a few feet away. She went over and picked it up and joined her friends. "Way to go!"

He said as he slapped her on the back. She grinned, remembering the events that had just taken place in slow motion. She had just won the Quidditch cup for Slytherin, and even though they were happy for her, Heather could tell that her friends were disappointed that Gryffindor hadn't won. She looked over at James, standing there, holding his broom.

"Don't worry Potter," she said in a conspiratorial whisper," you'll whoop us next time." He smiled at the thought, and the six friends walked off the field. They went into the castle and came up where Heather had to split off and continue in a different direction. Sirius mumbled an excuse, and went off with Heather, promising to catch up later. "So, what'd ya wanna talk about, Sirius?" Heather asked after a minute of silence.

"I was wondering if you felt the same way about me as I feel about you," he said quietly. She stopped and turned to him," And how exactly would that be, Sirius?" she asked, thinking she might know, but wanting to be sure before she spilled her guts to a guy. He paused, trying to figure out how to put what he wanted to say into words.

"Could I just show you?" he asked finally. Heather nodded, unsure if it was the right thing to do. Stepping forward, he leaned in and kissed her. When he pulled back, Heather was looking at him differently.

"Yeah, I think I do." she looked down, suddenly aware that she was blushing. His hand gently grasped her chin and lifted it so he could see her eyes. She leaned in and he met her halfway, their lips meeting in a beginner's naivety. They pulled apart and said their good byes, promising to meet up after breakfast the next morning.

"There's something off with you Sirius," James said, finally snapping Sirius out of his daze.

"I've no clue what you're talking about," Sirius said absently, his gaze wandering back over to the Slytherin table. James sighed and shook his head, unbelieving at how open the two were in their liking of each other. Everyone knew that Slytherin and Gryffindor were mortal enemies that had been forced to reside under the same roof; and now with the quidditch finals coming up and all the inter-house tension it was creating…those two were purely mad. James looked over at the Slytherin table, trying to find where Heather was sitting.

"Sirius, how can you tell where she is?"

"Look for the mop of black hair-"

"That would be all of them except Malfoy."

"If you wouldn't interrupt me…"Sirius said in an aggravated tone. James held up his hands in surrender." Look for a mop of black hair that has shock red roots." Sirius finished. They both looked back over and, finally, James found her. They finished eating in a relative peace, besides the odd question that James would ask Sirius about the homework that was due in transfiguration.

Heather ran, racing the bell to get to quidditch practice in time. She swerved into the locker room just as everyone was getting dressed.

"What's going on?" she asked, perplexed. They didn't change unless they had a game.

"You're late for the big game, that's what." The team captain, Robins, said with a sneer. He had never liked her because she had Gryffindor friends, but to not even tell her that there was a game? That was uncalled for. Then, he suddenly changed into Sirius and they began kissing, the rest of the team slowly disappearing. When they pulled apart, he had changed yet again. Now Tom had her shoulders in a vice-like grip. "I know what you're doing." he said menacingly," and I don't appreciate you going out with _their_ kind. You will stay within the boundaries that I set, is that understood?" Heather wanted to say no, that she would date who she pleased, but her body moved of it's own accord and her head nodded. She woke up, drenched in sweat. The memories from the dream, especially those of Tom, were still vivid in her mind. She slid out of bed and quietly got dressed. By the time the sun started rising, she had finished all the homework that was due that day. She went down to breakfast with a few other early risers and tried to ignore the snide remarks that came from the relatively small group that openly despised her and Sirius dating. Once she was sitting down, she pulled out a piece of worn parchment and a quill. The parchment had writing on it, though none that anyone could easily read. It was Latin. Heather was working on a song, trying to get her feelings into perspective. She had just finished adding another line, when Tom came up, his fan club tagging along like little, lost puppies. She found herself thinking this bitterly and shook her head. Just because Tom was a prat and a git sometimes didn't mean he wasn't her friend. He could actually be a quite good friend. At least, that's what Heather was trying to convince herself of as Sirius walked in. She stood and went over to him, noting the sad look on his face.

"Hey luv," she said quietly," what's wrong?" he tried to dismiss it, but his reddened eyes proved otherwise. She persisted until she finally got an answer out of him. James' dad had died, the man had been like a second father to Sirius, so both he and James were in pieces. His grief shook her to the core; she had lost loved ones before. All through the day, she would glimpse them in the hallway, running from one class to another. She finally got some time alone with him at the end of the day, which was a nice break. They met in the room of requirement and just held on to each other, trying to block out the pain that had haunted them throughout the day. Neither of them wanted to return to their dorms and the torment they held, so they stayed there and worked on their homework together. Something they rarely got to do. They also got better acquainted, learning secrets that neither had told others. Sirius stared in disbelief as Heather told him what her study group was like.

"Heather…what, why," he stuttered. Her vision began to blur and his voice started to fade.

"Sirius! What's happening? I can't see, or hear, or feel…"she left off as she started to regain her hearing. There was Sirius, calling her back, but his voice seemed different, and he was calling her Deidre. She sat bolt upright as she remembered the events that had just occurred. She looked up and found Sirius staring at her oddly. "What?"she asked suspiciously.

"You were yelling in your sleep. You never did that…"he trailed off uneasily as he shifted his weight from one foot to the other. She shook her head, this time trying to forget the memories that tore her apart from the inside out. "Why were you yelling?" he asked after a moment," You were peaceful at first, but then…"

"I-I–it was nothing," she said firmly, cutting herself off. He looked at her with those piercing blue eyes, a suggestively stubborn light that seemed to say, 'I'm not going to give up that easily,' was burning from within.

"I'll ask once more, why'd you start yelling?" she quickly explained what had happened, and which part she had remembered. He nodded his head in understanding, realizing that her past actions were more taxing than either of them had guessed. She looked around and saw that she was lying on a makeshift bed just inside the doors that led to the great hallway. She slowly sat up and tried to get up, but Sirius held her down. "You're not supposed to get up yet," he said before she could protest. She frowned, but stopped trying to stand.

"I'm surprised you would care," she whispered bitterly, not willing to look up and see if he heard. His hand gently grasped her chin, like it had so many years ago, and raised her head so he could see into her eyes.

"Why wouldn't I? We both know that we're still in love." she sighed and shook her head. Again surprised, but this time at the fact that he would admit to loving an evil…her thoughts were cut short when a sharp _crack_ filled the hallway and seemed to reverberate throughout the entire school. They all looked up, not sure of what they were going to see, but expecting it to be connected with Voldemort. Sirius gave a shout of happiness as Remus walked towards them through the oncoming darkness.

"Sorry if I startled you guys, but I had to enter with a bang." he said happily, a huge grin spreading across his worn features. Cassie followed a few steps behind him. The two friends hugged, not wanting her to feel left out, Sirius stepped up to Cassie and wrapped his arms around her in an almost painful bear hug.

"OK, Sirius, I can't breathe anymore. Mind letting go?" he chuckled and let her go. No one noticed as Deidre got up and started walking farther into the school, they were all caught up in seeing each other again, even Dumbledor couldn't resist being pulled in by their obvious excitement. While they were busy catching up, Deidre followed the old route to the Slytherin common room. She mused as she walked.

"Don't blame them for not seeing me…I can't believe I _did_ that…God dammit!" she said and came to a halt, slamming her fist into the nearby wall. "I-Jesus! Why did I _do_ that! How could I betray my own sister?" the last sentence was barely more than a whisper. She whipped around as a voice whispered something in her ear. She stood, confused, until she realized that it had to have been place memories. She finally figured out what the words were. It was something that Voldemort had said to her when he was still Tom. She stopped at the hidden door, unless she was able to walk through solid rock, she was stuck. She didn't know the respective password that would cause the door to open and allow her to continue her wanderings. Her dilemma was solved when Sirius' voice rose and she could faintly hear what he was saying.

"Where did Deidre get off to?" all other talking stopped as the question sunk in. She saw a flickering movement out of the corner of her eye, and turned, coming face to face with the Bloody Baron.

"Oh, god," she said in obvious displeasure," what in bloody hell do _you_ want?"

"What, can't face your friends? Is your conscience finally catching up?"

"Go shove off." she said dismissively and turned away, she'd rather be in the midst of people who couldn't trust her than share space with the old relic floating beside her.

"How's old Tommy been," he asked sweetly. She turned and glared at him.

"I hope that you realize that you will burn in hell one day for what you've done."

"Oh, yes," he replied innocently," and I'll be waiting for you when you finally join me in those dark depths. You realize, of course, that the darkest part of hell is reserved for murderers and those who betray their best friends. I'll enjoy seeing you in our reserved places." that last bit sent her off the edge. She swung a punch, and got a fistful of ice-cold air. He laughed and floated off.

"Come back here, you goddamn son of a bitch!" she screamed at his retreating back. When he would not pay her heed, she ran after him, not caring where he went so long as she could rip out his see-through intestines. He calmly led her into the entrance hall, where she stopped screaming at him to get his floating arse back here to fight. Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared. The scene _was_ pretty odd, a fugitive was screaming threats to a ghost, and the rest of them were beginning to organize a search party for the fugitive, which they obviously didn't need anymore. Everyone stood there for a few moments, until Remus started laughing at their odd situation. They all stared at him until he fell to the ground, rolling with tears streaming down his face. By then, no one could resist the urge to join in. Slowly, one by one, they stopped. Looking around, Deidre saw all of her old friends...except two. The two that her ex-master had killed. Even though she had pleaded with him to spare them. In the end she had sent them a warning. One which they either didn't get, or ignored out of spite. Deidre would never know and it was eating her alive. She looked up when it all went silent and saw everyone staring at her. She took a step back, feeling uncomfortable and not sure what to do about it.

"What?" she asked quietly, almost afraid to break the silence. No one answered for a few moments, then Remus spoke up.

"I guess we just don't understand how you could betray your friends like that." his voice just as quiet. She shook her head; unable to speak for fear that she would burst into tears. When she finally got herself under control, she answered their question.

"I tried to send them a note-"

"No, not them," Cassie corrected, "us." A look of surprise crossed Deidre's face briefly, and then left.

"When I joined Voldemort?" they all shivered as they nodded their heads. "Oh," she paused, unsure of how to continue," guess I'll just tell you guys what I told Sirius, basically, I didn't want to give up false perfection for the real, and, slightly cruel, world. So, instead of helping you guys, I helped myself and got two of us-I mean you-I-I killed two loved ones and for that I am paying the price." she stopped there, not wanting to dredge up anymore of the horrifying memories that swam closer to the surface every moment she was near these people whom she had betrayed so knowingly. She stared at her feet, hoping against all odds that they would leave her to drown in her own failures. Unfortunately for her, they didn't leave; instead, they stepped closer, as if to say they understood. But Deidre knew that it merely _seemed_ like that, that in fact, they couldn't even begin to comprehend why she had done what she did. Not that they would even _want_ to understand why she had killed their loved ones. **Not theirs,** she corrected herself, **_our_ loved ones, I loved them too…** she sighed and shook her head, trying to clear the thoughts from her mind. A knock sounded on the main doors, snapping her out of her reverie, and startling everyone else.

"Who do you think it could be?" Cassie asked cautiously. The others shook their heads, unsure. Deidre stepped forward, knowing the presence. She had lived with it for over half her life.

"It's Voldemort again," she said, her words coming out harsh. She stepped to the door and opened it, meeting her used-to-be-master. She kept her mind blank when speaking to him, knowing full well that if he saw the hidden parts of her mind, he would kill her without a second thought. They stood there, conversing for what seemed like eternity. Finally, though, the conversation ended. She turned and reached for her wand, hoping that someone would grab theirs before she could reach hers. Her hope was fulfilled as three wands pointed at her. She felt the tug of Voldermort's mind and resisted for only a second. **What is it, milord?** she asked silently. **Kill them all. Become a martyr for the cause.** His voice echoed in her head, making her shiver. There she stood, between two pasts that were struggling for control, and without a clue as to how she was going to fix everything. She looked from one old face to the next, stopping on Sirius. They were soul mates; he wouldn't kill her, would he? She shook her head, clearing it, and tried to find a way out of suicide. Finding none, she pointed her wand at her head.

"What are you doing?" Voldemort asked harshly, "I told you to kill them, not play stupid little games." She looked at all of her old friends in turn, and silently said her good-byes, hoping they would understand.

"Adavra," she said, her voice full of raw emotions, "kad-"

"_Stop_!" everyone turned to look at Sirius," I lost you once, I'm not going to lose you again." his voice was hoarse and his tone was almost venomous, but there was an undertone of something much, much more.

"How dare you meddle in our affairs?" Voldemort yelled angrily, "I will slay you, you weak-"

"Crucio!" Deidre yelled. She had turned around with her wand still up and seen an opportune moment; and, of course, Voldemort had always said to take what you could. He barely flinched at the pain and sent the curse back at her three-fold. She collapsed to the ground, her body unable to withstand any more punishment.

"Heather, you O.K.?" Sirius asked her, concerned. She sat up and rubbed her head.

"Yeah, what happened?" he shook his head and shrugged." Look, I'm sorry about the group-"he shook his head again, unwilling to hear what she was going to say.

"I highly doubt you could get out now, and, I'm sorry, but I just can't have a girlfriend who's involved in dark magic."

"So we're thru," she said, more of a statement than a question. He nodded sadly and stood, preparing to leave. "Sirius," she started, he turned to face her with a look in his eye that made her realize that it was fruitless to try and dissuade him from his decision. "I hope you find the one you were meant to be with." he flinched and looked down, knowing full well who his soul mate was. Nodding, he left, his feelings in turmoil.

Heather sat on the couch that she had been sharing with Sirius a few moments earlier. A knock on the door started her out of her reverie and back into reality.

"Yes?" she called. The door opened and Lily came in, glaring at her. Heather shrunk from her gaze, "so I'm losing two loved ones today?" she asked quietly. Lily merely nodded. "Why is it this time?"

"You joined the Death Eaters. You joined the most notorious dark magic group in school." Heather flinched as if she had been struck.

"I could still-"

"I don't want to hear it, O'Beirn. Just leave us alone." Lily spat before Heather could explain herself. Heather watched her as she whirled around and stormed out of the room. Quietly, she gathered her things and went back to the Slytherin common room.

"Mors mortis" she murmured when she got to the hidden door that led to the Slytherin dungeons. It silently slid open and she slipped in, wanting to draw as little attention to herself. She was halfway across the room when tom entered from the boys' dormitory.

"Hey," he said when they were close enough to talk without being heard over the low din. She nodded a reply, forcing a smile to her lips. "What's wrong?" he asked, concerned.

"Sirius and I broke up," she mumbled. He opened his arms and she fell into them, grateful that she could finally let someone help her carry her troubles. His arms wrapped around her in a hug, and they stood there for a bit, relishing in each other's presence. He let go and they made their way over to the far wall, settling down to finish their homework.

Deidre sat up, a loud bang startling her back into consciousness. As the memories faded, she stood and faced the man that she had dated. For a moment, she saw him as the boy that she so clearly remembered, but then the moment vanished and they went back to being enemies.

"Tom," she said suddenly, "did you really love me? Or was that just a ploy to get me fully on your side?" he started as he heard his old name, not to mention the reference to their younger years…he thought she had known. "Yes, I did love you." he answered slowly, wondering at what she was getting at.

"So that was why you always seemed jealous of Sirius." She stated confidently. He nodded his consent, slightly angered to have a vulnerable part thrown out into the open. She next turned to Sirius, "Same question."

"When have I not loved you?" he asked quietly.

"You didn't seem to love me the day we broke up." her statement was bold, no one had really known what had happened, and now it was being tossed into the open, along with Voldemort's vulnerability.


End file.
